"One foot in sea, and one on shore" -Mumford & Sons

     I woke up today. Kind of like I do every other do except I slept on the rug on the floor last night. It was oddly comfortable. But I also woke up with this total light-bulb-going-off-I-am-Einstein moment. It was as if this weekend reality slowly began catching up with me and this morning it was there, full force, not hidden, blunt as daylight. Now maybe I should explain how one, or at least I, lose reality. Up until this weekend, college felt like an entirely new life. A tabla rosa, a blank slate. I got to recreate everything, I had no past, I was a stranger to everyone I saw. It was weird, kind of exhilirating to realize that you truly could be whoever you wanted because know one knew your past. But I suppose I also got wrapped into that forgetting myself that I had a whole life before Hamline. Not that I had entirely forgotten everything, it just felt so distant with how much of what was becoming my life was a mystery. And there was a lot. The first couple weeks (and even still now) you set your tempo and schedule for this new chapter of your life. It doesn't leave much time for thinking or even really breathing. But then today it was as if I had that time to breathe and almost too much of it. I guess I got that first real pain of homesickness. I missed my parents and brother and dog and home. You realize that college is somewhat of a lonely place until you're really settled in. You are an adult on your own in this strange world. So that doesn't focus much on how rattled I felt today, but it builds up to it.  And so to quick cut to where the title comes from, it's sort of how I feel. In two polar places at once. Loving my new reality and remembering and missing (like hell) my old reality. From here is where I think I'm supposed to begin to learn how to mesh a balance of the two until they finally morph to be one and it's just all the same thing. I'd say the beginning of that started this weekend and I look forward to perfecting mixing the two into some glorious harmony. Somewhat unrelated, but still important to me. I have some huge thank yous to give, first off to all of my friends not at Hamline. Despite distance, they're all still there for me, it's incredible and love you all so much. Then to all of the new wonderful people I'm meeting at Hamline: they're incredible and I'm proud to say I go to college with them. I've met so many nice and friendly people here! I guess to summarize that: thank you everyone that is in my life for being in it. <3 p="p">
And a special thank you to my roommate, in short: she keeps me sane :)
 

College Week 1

Wow. All I can say is wow. I mean it's great, don't get me wrong. I can already tell it's better than any part of high school was. It is just so much freedom. For those of you in college you get it. For those of you not, you will.

It's a lot. Emotionally, specifically. I mean academically and socially I feel I'm doing perfectly fine. But emotionally everything is just so much. Not in a bad way necessarily just an intense way. I suppose it takes some time to adjust as they say I'm just hoping that time is not too long.

Otherwise, the school is great, the food is great, the people are great. And Hamline was easily by far the best school that I personally could have choosen for myself. So I mean I'd say that's  a step in the right direction. And with that, 8:00 am class tomorrow. Sleep well everyone!

Commencement

Commencement occurred for most of us roughly two months ago. At that time we left our pasts behind at our respective high schools in order to step forward with whatever path we choose to have ahead of us. I don't think that whole concept really hit me until yesterday when I began to pack up a vast amount of my personal belongings so that I could relocate myself to my new home. So today was the last of a lot of things for awhile. Last time I took my dog for a walk in the morning. Last time I had dinner with my family. And in the near future is the last time I'll fall asleep in this bed for a while. Then tomorrow I'll wake up, bundle up the rest of my things and travel to St. Paul with my parents in tow. Unpack my things, arrange them into a new space that I will be calling my home for the next nine months. I'd say I'm nervous and excited but the nerves aren't there so much. Therefore all I have to look forward to come morning is beginning life as a college student at Hamline University. That, my friends, will be my commencement.

Update, Round 2

      I'm not sure where exactly to begin seeing as how it has been nearly two months since I've last blogged. Which will be my inspiration for life advice for my darling readers. This summer, of course the one before beginning the rest of life with college, is the one that flew by the fastest. Even quicker than last summer during which three weeks of the precious twelve were in Germany. Perhaps because in a way I did take three vacations. At the end of June I enjoyed a camping trip with my friend, Shane, boyfriend, Alex, and Emily and Nikki, a couple more friends. When I say camping, I mean yes, full on tent in the woods (campsite... Same thing..) deal. The bonfires every night were something to be cherished and we played a good deal of Taboo! My next trip for the summer was during the beginning of August. I traveled north to the city of Park Rapids to spend five days at my boyfriend's cabin with him and his mother. I saw all the reasons the area has such charm for locals and read books and watched movies that I'd never seen, such as Forrest Gump, swam in the lake, and enjoyed very, very good Mexican food at Alex's favorite, Cumpaneros. I now understand why it is a favorite. My final trip for the summer was one with my family, one to sort of wrap up the first segment of my life before I fly from their nest out on my own. We have a tradition of spending a week in Door County, Wisconsin every summer. It's wonderful because we don't really do anything. We go to the beach most days, perhaps do one or two activities during the day, go out to dinner, and then in the evening I traverse to the main lodge and read. One of our traditions is going to an art studio where this year I was able to make a clock for my dorm room out of glass. Really, it is just a good way for our family to bond, destress, and take a chance to relax (naps on the beach were the best). Other than that, my summer has been filled with work, seeing friends and saying goodbyes, spending time with my wonderful boyfriend, working out when I have the motivation, and everything else that goes along with preparing for college. While I can't name everything I've done this summer, I can't say that I was ever bored. Which would be why I encourage whomever reads this to find ways to have a lifestyle that is the same. You can do nothing and not be bored. My point is to find activities that do enthrall you enough to the point that you don't know where the time went. The more memories you're able to make, the more experiences you have to go off of, and (in my opinion) keeping busy just makes life feel so much richer and wholesome. I cannot say that I wish I had had more free time this summer or that I have any regrets. The regrets thing is pretty big for me because I aim to live with out them, so all in all, I am very satisfied with how my summer has turned out and look forward to what going school on Sunday will bring.

For anyone looking for a healthier lifestyle, I recommend switching to almond milk. Just don't buy the unsweetened type, while it is healthier it has a more unfortunate taste that reveals so. Benefits of almond milk include that in comparison to dairy milk there is 50% more calcium per serving, no cholesterol, no hormones, and less sugar. Just a few perks and something to think about as an idea. I personally made that switch this summer and love it! The taste is incredible and for those of you who don't like almond, you can get it flavored; vanilla and chocolate.

Another thing I have done this summer is explore a wider variety of music I believe. To start us off, my friend, Tara, has a song out with a video. Link is provided: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXg9zN7T4TQ Her lyric is incredible!!

Album suggestions would be: -The Black Keys: El Camino
-Neon Trees: Picture Show
-Grouplove: Grouplove - EP
-Iron & Wine: Around the Well, The Creek Drank the Cradle, Our Endless Numbered Days, and Kiss Each Other Clean

My favorite songs for the summer have been:
-Freedom at 21 by Jack White
-Silhouettes by Avicii
-Sunol by Will Stratton
-Eyes by Rogue Wave
-Stoner Girl by Mod Sun
-Sky by Joshua Radin
-Do You Remember by Jack Johnson

 Suggested workout songs:
-Bottlez by T-Pain
-#1Nite (One Night) by Cobra Starship
-Hey Sexy Lady by Shaggy and Sean Paul
-Save the World (Knife Party Remix) by Swedish House Mafia
-Morning After Dark by Timbaland

For music while studying this fall, my favorite artists are: Joshua Radin, Iron & Wine, Mumford & Sons, and Matt Nathanson.

While this post was rather superficial, I have been away from my blog for a while so it'll likely deepen up some again as the year goes on and I am left on my own to find myself more than I can imagine right now.
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Why does society make it so easy to feel inadequate?

If anyone tries to tell me that they've never felt unattractive or like they weren't enough, I will very likely not believe you. And here's why. What our society constructs to be perfect and beautiful is aside from unrealistic, so close to be unachievable and very few are the ideal of what we deem beautiful. Literally, look at any form of media. Or hell even comparing yourself to other girls at school or whatnot. It's just so easy to feel like you're not as good as them. You're not tall enough, you're not tan enough, you're not thin enough, your hair isn't long enough, your fingers are too fat (mine actually are rather plump looking. I hate the word 'plump.'), etc., etc., etc.

I won't even deny it. I wish I were tanner, I used to starve to be skinnier. It's just so easy to feel like you don't measure up to what you think you should be in order to be liked or deemed even mildly attractive. It goes back to that whole body image thing so much. So biologically for females, a curvier figure actually is what men are attracted to based on what would be advantageous for them to mate with in regards to evolution. Yet as our society began to develop a cumulative culture over time, we saw the value of our image, our superficial appearance mold to become the stick thin, perfectly toned figure it is today. But this didn't just happen over night. The 1920's saw a bit of the skinny image as an idea. But with the 1940's and 50's we had idols like Marilyn Monroe flaunting perfect curves. That became the coveted image. Then with the 60's we had the arrival of Twiggy. And that's where we began to diverge from what should biologically be attractive. The 60's began the notion that thinner was better. And that ideal only intensified over the years. Now here we sit at 2012. The perfect female body as projected by our culture is the stick thin one. Want to know what many girls strive to achieve? Go look at any fashion magazine or gossip TV show. And that darned idea that to be pretty or have anyone find you attractive you must be at most a size 2 and have a BMI below 20 and you better have a thigh gap is just so unrealistic. And it's not like I'm trying to criticize every other girl out there, I've wished for all of that too as aforementioned how I'd tried to get there. I don't even know what the key ingredients to being happy with yourself are, but I know they exist. I know more people should embrace themselves as they are.

To shorten everything I said if you want the quick version of it:

1. Society's ideals are unrealistic.
2. The ideals are crushing to one's self-esteem.
3. There needs to be a more widespread realization of the unbalance between the ideal and reality so that more girls, or just people in general, can accept themselves as they are.

My Planned Day

Well I'd like to finish cleaning and perfecting my room and I could really use to put all of my clothes away. I'd maybe like some time today to read, I haven't yet finished the latest issue of Nat Geo. I also would love the chance to wash my car. Not take it somewhere, but hand wash it the "old-fashioned" way. Judge all you want but I think it's fun and more satisfying to wash it yourself plus you get some Vitamin D and fresh air! Hmmm, I also would like to have the time to develop a work out plan and training program in order to get somewhat back into volleyball even if it is just for intramurals. Then I need to organize my school stuff for next year, get my transcript in the mail and order books and whatnot. And thank you notes from my grad party. Yeah, I don't know where I'm supposed to find half of these people addresses to be frank. Then the cherry on top of it all will be heading out to the Saloon and possibly Sex World with a couple of friends. Yeah, that sounds like a good day assuming I can get all of that done. So I'm going to go work on that and I hope everyone else accomplishes their plans for the day!

Freshmen status

      I have had a lovely day. Upon arriving home from Hamline at approximately 11:00 I slept. Until 3:30. I NEVER get that much sleep. It was a very nice change to do absolutely nothing today (aside from sleep and read). Anyways, I also have made my status as a freshmen in college official. This morning, (after sleeping over at Hamline for the first part of their orientation program) I registered for classes and got my ID. And I can't say that I'm upset with picture, it only lasts for the next four years. No big deal.

      Part of Piper Preview (the overnight last night at Hamline) was to get students excited for the fall and introduce them to what life changes are to come and all the incredible people they'll get to work with and become friends with and it is an amazing experience. I came home today and it felt like the end of August, as if I should be going to college in a couple weeks as opposed to a couple months. I mean I'm honestly just that excited to start school again! I feel like kindergartener stepping onto a school bus for the first time again, this giant yellow boxy automobile that has only been seen on television. Knowing that it's going to take you to the start of a big portion of your life. Piper Preview was college's first step onto the foreign golden yellow object. I'm overly joyed and thrilled and every optimistic feeling there is for this fall, I have the schedule I was hoping for, I met some amazing people this weekend, and I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter of my life.