Life Goes On

           If you are in my friend group or know of what goes on well enough, then you know there's drama. Now this post is not to throw anyone's names to shame or discuss what drama. But drama, I've decided it's almost essential to graduating high school. Honestly, it's stressful, it's treacherous, it's harmful, it seems nothing good comes of it, and we all encounter it. And here's the big shock: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, LIFE GOES ON AND SO DO PEOPLE. In other words, no matter how horrible one moment or one person might seem, the more time you spend dwelling on it, the longer it exists. The moment you cease to acknowledge it is likewise the moment you begin to go on and stop letting it affect you.


          Far too many times, I've seen people do the whole "go out with a bang" some grand final, usually mean-spirited, note to end with. And hell, I have made that mistake countless times too. And where was the benefit? Oh, right. There was none. When you walk away from the mess, do it with grace. Keep your dignity and don't stoop to someone else's levels. Hold your head high, smile, and kill them with your kindness.

#YouGetBonusPointsIf

First off, how cliche is this situation: late at night, teenage girl, listening to Joshua Radin (or just any mellow music counts, really), post-girls night, sitting up alone, and left to pour out her feelings. Wow, I hate being a cliche. But in this situation I am, my words however hopefully are not.

The twitter trending topic of how someone gets bonus points in your book was my inspiration for the post. Thus, below are how to earn bonus points (brownie points are cooler though) in my books.

-The one I put on twitter. Make me smile and laugh. I laugh at the dumbest of things and sometimes I laugh at everything, I'd like to think I smile a lot. I've been told in the past that I did, given I have evolved over time but I hope I still smile and am therefore easy to make smile.

-Understand balance in application to everything. Know how to be carefree and live in the moment but also notice when to be serious and thoughtful. Basically, take risks but be wise enough to not make the stupid ones. Balance in interaction, I like the people in my life! I like to see them, talk to them, etc., but know when some space between us is okay. Nobody's a fan of suffocation right?

-Manners! Call me old-fashioned, but anyone with some common courtesy to display is winning in most of my books.

-Go-doers. That one doesn't make sense. I get it, sometimes you don't want to do anything, sometimes you need to be broken and left like that. For some time, but then don't let the shit in the past get you down forever, stitch yourself back together and continue on with life. It does go on.

I'm bored with these. Lacking a transition to personal stuff, ya know, what would go in a diary.

Senior year! It's been great, I've loved my years in high school, I have gone to school with some of the greatest kids anyone will ever meet! I love my class for how much of a family we are. Anyways, PROM is soon. So, prom ish:
1. Drama. Prom sure seems to bring out the best in everyone. (*Sarcasm*) It creates so much stress for everyone despite how simple it should be: make plans, have fun.
2. I got a date! Yeah, it's a girl. Yeah, I'm straight. It's one of my best friends from another school, she's been there for me like no other through thick and thin. In other words, it's too late for the next part to have an impact. All through out high school, I will have never been asked to a dance. Kind of sad I'll never have any of those stories to tell but also, it really makes no difference. I've gone to all the dances at my school and they've all been wonderful as they were! That's what happens when you have friends as incredible as mine! :D


Have I mentioned how ready I am for college? Not because I want to leave high school forever in the past, but more so I'm ready to try new things. College is what I want to be trying right now. Not going to lie, I am extremely excited for some of the classes I plan to take next year! Intro to Anthropology, Human Osteology, Forensic Anthropology. Yeah, I'll be set. And I love Hamline! I love the people, the campus, the opportunities, the location, EVERYTHING.

That's life how it is right now. Yay! Bye (:

Responsibility

We take risks and chances and sometimes get caught. Those are the glorious things called mistakes. Fine to make, as long as you learn from them sort of thing. Another part that goes with it, own up to it. We act knowing what the outcome may be and what the consequences for our choices could be. So when you act and it doesn't go as planned or it does and you get "caught" by whoever, don't try to dismiss it. You knew what you were doing was wrong so take responsibility for your actions. Admit your faults, say you were wrong, and make amends.

Ignoring the fact that you messed up equates to a huge loss of respect in my books. I will have so much more respect for someone who has made every mistake under the sun and can take responsibility for it than for someone who has made only a few and denies or dismisses them.

My charming words for the day: Live your life how you want to and be able to live with the world you create at the end of the day.

What doesn't get said in the "About Me" section

I was to have a job interview today, there was miscommunication in times so it didn't happen. But anywho, it got me thinking about what I was going to say when I was asked to describe myself. I hate that question, or the "How would your friends describe you?" ..I don't know, ask them!? Well, we ask these questions hoping to get a glance at who someone is beneath their surface, ya know, who we really are sort of thing. As a convenient personality analysis, I took (and recommend) the Myers Briggs Test. (And no, I am not trying to promote some company or business or anything if that's the impression you just got. What I am doing is saying "hey, I think this thing is cool, check it out.")



Website for online Myers Briggs Test : http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp


And after you have your result, if you google your 4 letters, there are SO many publication and analyses on each combination of letters.


My letters: ENTJ
I am Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judgmental.

Here's what psychologists thus expect of me:

1. ENTJs? We're rare. As in 2% of the general population, breakdown of 3% of males and 1% of females.

2. Natural born leaders with a drive for leadership

Who wouldn't want to think of themselves as having the innate inclination to take charge? Which, I won't deny, I tend to. Example? Group projects, don't tell me what to do and we'll be all good. Or when group projects are awkward and everyone sits there not wanting to be the one to say something, I always wind up being like "Well, here's what we need to do. Who want's to do what?"

3. Not much room for error, dislike to see mistakes repeated.

I can see where I apply this to my social life, sometimes a bit too much. It's that fear of doing something wrong again or being embarrassed, even sometimes taking a risk and failing.

4. Not tuned in to others feelings, don't like to express their own.

True, and uh... True. Part 1 of that --> I am actually so horrible at perceiving how other people are feeling. As in, I usually think everything's great and fine instead of noticing someone's miserable or pissed or whatever. Part 2 gets a lot deeper in how true it is. I used to be a cutter, and never really understood why, until one day it FINALLY hit me why I actually did it. For me, it was that I would rather just cope on my own then reach out and look weak by sharing my emotions with another person. Breaking down in front of someone, anyone, was one of my biggest fears. I never wanted to cry in front of anyone. Ever. Period. Which is partially why I started making my blog public, because it would force me to open up to people instead of keeping it inside and worrying about someone discovering that those things called feelings and emotions existed in me. Hopefully as seen that I'm sort of coming clean on everything, I continue to get closer to being comfortable with expressing myself in front of people.

5.tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills

Simply, I am confident in myself, sometimes a bit too much so, and I know how to voice my opinion.

6. Excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into plans of action. Ambitious.

For anyone who doesn't know... I someday plan to work for the United Nations as a forensic anthropologist on their International Criminal Tribunal teams, be internationally known for my efforts in protecting human rights, and if my dreams come true, a Nobel Peace Prize winner. I consider that to be ambitious and translating my thoughts to a plan.

See? You got to know me better, I got to know me better. Go get to know yourself better and take the test for yourself. Discover some insight to who you are and embrace it.

Long Hair, Don't Care... Too Much

I'm not sure if the "long hair, don't care" is actually from something.. But I'll use it none the less. The picture in this post is from Thursday night. After getting home at about 1:30 in the morning. And oh yes, there is a story that illustrates why I don't care.

Thursday night was the annual foam party at Epic in April, and of course some of my girls and I were in attendance. We repeated the call and message to our speech coach like last year. Found a place to park, locked up our stuff, took a key, grabbed some form of ID and our money and left to finally go dance. Everything went great, except for some of my personal notes:
1. The grenade to attractive ratio was way too high.
2. If you are ugly, this sounds mean I know, but don't ask to dance with me. I come to the club to have fun, hot guys are fun.. It's simple math, really.
3. If I say no, don't follow me around and keep asking to dance. It's not happening.
4. Yeah, that's all I have for now. WAIT! What happens there a. Stays there and b. Is not used to judge anyone. Because I don't know about other people, but I would by far say, especially after this past time, that I am not going to act like my typical self.

Moving on to a, make what you want of it, story. Club closes, we leave. Walk to car, get hit on by drunk creeps at First Avenue. Finally make it to my car. I go to open my car door, guess what!? I have my house key.

Yep, we were stranded on First Avenue around midnight, 4 girls, looking like hot mess hoes because we had just came from the club, with our licenses (aka, legit IDs) locked in the car along with the car keys and all our phones. We then resort to using a stranger's phone (Stranger danger? Yes.) To call my dad, wake him up, and have him drive downtown to provide us with the other car key. After some miscellaneous and frightening adventures lasting about an hour or so, we still don't see my dad. Thus we walk by the drunks outside First Avenue again, talk to the bouncer, borrow his phone and finally are able to connect with my dad.

Key retrieved, we get back to the car and drive home. After 20 minutes of lost city driving. And there is how I wound up home at 1:30 in the morning on a Thursday night.

Back to the long hair, don't care. My hair has nothing to do with this, to be honest. After everything that happened that night... and the next, (I won't lie, a lot is not put on here for numerous reasons), I don't care too much any more. Socially, at least. Judge me, make assumptions, do as you please, because those thoughts are all superficial and simply my actions. Knowing what or who I do doesn't mean you know or understand me. Therefore, I'll be who I am, I'll try to like who I am a bit better and I'll rock that. I won't let what people say bring me down, cliche as it is, "people throw rocks at things that shine." And darling, I'm something that won't ever stop shining.

Honesty

I'm working on this. I feel like I have been for a long time, not saying that I am a compulsive liar. But the subtleties we do say to compensate for what we actually mean. The classic, "How are you?" Everyone always has the same answer: Good. It's like we fear actually speaking who are and where we are as a person. Thus, I'm trying to say everything how it is, honestly, without fearing what people with think of me for being who I am. Even if that means jumping over bridges to say the hard things. I'd say it's one of those things that has to be done to not live with any regrets.

Update

So in the middle of spring break, won't lie, it is soo nice to have a break from school! Although here's how break's been:
Day 1: Catch up with old friend, and then party all night sort of thing.
Day 2: Go to school. A college none the less! Hamline to be precise! And I must say, I love the campus and school more and more each time I'm there! AND I got have lunch and get a mini-tour from a friend there!

But I owe so much to the people who were there for me right before break began. Thanks for caring and stopping me from walking down the road I was so close to being on.

Anyways, I don't like sob stories so that is that.

Since Day 2 break has been a blur of gym, parties, work, and the like! I hope the rest of break continues on the lovely notes it has been, I assume it will because of the amazing thunder and lightning and rain storm tonight!

Lastly, Dandelion, a fabulous friend recommended it to me and it is an equally fabulous movie! Or what I saw of it anyways...