"One foot in sea, and one on shore" -Mumford & Sons

     I woke up today. Kind of like I do every other do except I slept on the rug on the floor last night. It was oddly comfortable. But I also woke up with this total light-bulb-going-off-I-am-Einstein moment. It was as if this weekend reality slowly began catching up with me and this morning it was there, full force, not hidden, blunt as daylight. Now maybe I should explain how one, or at least I, lose reality. Up until this weekend, college felt like an entirely new life. A tabla rosa, a blank slate. I got to recreate everything, I had no past, I was a stranger to everyone I saw. It was weird, kind of exhilirating to realize that you truly could be whoever you wanted because know one knew your past. But I suppose I also got wrapped into that forgetting myself that I had a whole life before Hamline. Not that I had entirely forgotten everything, it just felt so distant with how much of what was becoming my life was a mystery. And there was a lot. The first couple weeks (and even still now) you set your tempo and schedule for this new chapter of your life. It doesn't leave much time for thinking or even really breathing. But then today it was as if I had that time to breathe and almost too much of it. I guess I got that first real pain of homesickness. I missed my parents and brother and dog and home. You realize that college is somewhat of a lonely place until you're really settled in. You are an adult on your own in this strange world. So that doesn't focus much on how rattled I felt today, but it builds up to it.  And so to quick cut to where the title comes from, it's sort of how I feel. In two polar places at once. Loving my new reality and remembering and missing (like hell) my old reality. From here is where I think I'm supposed to begin to learn how to mesh a balance of the two until they finally morph to be one and it's just all the same thing. I'd say the beginning of that started this weekend and I look forward to perfecting mixing the two into some glorious harmony. Somewhat unrelated, but still important to me. I have some huge thank yous to give, first off to all of my friends not at Hamline. Despite distance, they're all still there for me, it's incredible and love you all so much. Then to all of the new wonderful people I'm meeting at Hamline: they're incredible and I'm proud to say I go to college with them. I've met so many nice and friendly people here! I guess to summarize that: thank you everyone that is in my life for being in it. <3 p="p">
And a special thank you to my roommate, in short: she keeps me sane :)
 

College Week 1

Wow. All I can say is wow. I mean it's great, don't get me wrong. I can already tell it's better than any part of high school was. It is just so much freedom. For those of you in college you get it. For those of you not, you will.

It's a lot. Emotionally, specifically. I mean academically and socially I feel I'm doing perfectly fine. But emotionally everything is just so much. Not in a bad way necessarily just an intense way. I suppose it takes some time to adjust as they say I'm just hoping that time is not too long.

Otherwise, the school is great, the food is great, the people are great. And Hamline was easily by far the best school that I personally could have choosen for myself. So I mean I'd say that's  a step in the right direction. And with that, 8:00 am class tomorrow. Sleep well everyone!

Commencement

Commencement occurred for most of us roughly two months ago. At that time we left our pasts behind at our respective high schools in order to step forward with whatever path we choose to have ahead of us. I don't think that whole concept really hit me until yesterday when I began to pack up a vast amount of my personal belongings so that I could relocate myself to my new home. So today was the last of a lot of things for awhile. Last time I took my dog for a walk in the morning. Last time I had dinner with my family. And in the near future is the last time I'll fall asleep in this bed for a while. Then tomorrow I'll wake up, bundle up the rest of my things and travel to St. Paul with my parents in tow. Unpack my things, arrange them into a new space that I will be calling my home for the next nine months. I'd say I'm nervous and excited but the nerves aren't there so much. Therefore all I have to look forward to come morning is beginning life as a college student at Hamline University. That, my friends, will be my commencement.